Or, This One Simple Act Can Revolutionize your Group Dynamics
I once lived in a big house shared by five or so other transient types, backpackers, travellers, grad students, etc. The owner was a guy who lived there with us because although he was a homeowner and a professional, he was a backpacker at heart and really loved the vibe.
We were longer term tenants but there was a lot of turnover, so there was always an element of chaos going down. This was a lot of fun, but we were always under ‘adult’ supervision by the homeowner, who was constantly worried that some idiot would accidentally burn his house down. (It should be noted that, in the eight months I lived there, I witnessed two different instances of someone nearly starting a fire, so his concern was quite legitimate.)
On the wall of the kitchen there was a House Constitution, just a list of standard house rules like cleaning up after yourself, and taking care to not burn the house down. I commented to the landlord that I’d seen house rules before, but not usually written down on the kitchen wall, and never called a ‘constitution.’ He said that there was only one reason for it:
One of the rules on the list was that guests were not permitted to stay for more than a week, seven days, non-negotiable. He said that because of the nature of the tenants, there were always houseguests staying over, and it was sometimes very difficult to get them to leave. It’s really hard for people to kick their friends out onto the street, and these guests can take advantage of this (whether intentionally or not) and make themselves at home without being invited to.
But if the rules are written on the wall for all to see, then everyone knows them and it’s easy to enforce them. Nobody needs to worry about whether they’re overstaying their welcome. No awkward conversations about difficult topics. Nobody can pretend that they’re welcome to stay, and socially manipulate their friends into not stopping them.
This was a huge light bulb moment for me. At the end of the day, this what policy actually is for: getting everyone on the same page on issues that are clearly defined, and that matter a lot. WIthout it, bad actors can take advantage of ambiguities in social expectations, and the conflict avoidance of well-intentioned people.
It was grassroots, bottom-up policy making at its finest. We have a lot to learn from the backpackers.